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[0:00] In your scripture sheet, we are on 4G and we left off with the subject about grieving the Holy Spirit of God. And it is by that Spirit that we are sealed unto the day of redemption.

[0:14] That is because he who hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ, Paul wrote to the Philippians. And the Spirit of God is indwelling all believers, a la 1 Corinthians 6.

[0:32] Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Spirit of God, which you have of God? You are not your own. You are bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

[0:45] So, at the point of regeneration, the Spirit of God came into your life, made you a new person in Christ, and placed you into union with Christ.

[0:57] And that means that the Spirit of God is accessible to you in a way that he never was before. It also means that you can displease the Spirit. You can grieve the Spirit of God by acting in a way that you know is contrary to the will of God.

[1:14] So, Paul is reminding us that the very one who has sealed us and made us his own unto the day of redemption is certainly not the one that you should be grieving by your lifestyle or by your actions.

[1:32] And if that is true, and if we are not grieving the Spirit of God, then, verse 31, will be a logical consequence.

[1:44] Therefore, then, let all bitterness and wrath... Bitterness is anger that foments over time.

[1:55] Anger that foments over time. And it evolves into bitterness. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice.

[2:18] Malice is that word from which malicious comes and also malignant comes. It means that it grows and expands and does damage. That's what malice does.

[2:29] It does damage. And be ye kind one to another. Tender-hearted. Forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you.

[2:45] This is one of my favorite verses. I committed to memory a long time ago because it is so loaded and so powerful. Be ye kind one to another.

[2:57] Tender-hearted. Tender-hearted is, of course, the opposite of hard-hearted. Hard-hearted means unforgiving, unyielding, implacable, unable to be satisfied.

[3:12] All of this is wrapped up into this hard-heartedness. And when we are tender-hearted, that means we have a sensitivity to the needs of others and to the will of God.

[3:28] And we are willing to respond to that. We can be touched, moved in our heart. And if we are moved in our heart, then we are geared for action.

[3:40] This condition of the heart is what moves us or stimulates us to action. It is an attitude that begins, that expresses itself in an outward doing.

[3:52] And it is related to the word, actually, the word heart, as it's used in the Bible so many times.

[4:03] It's the word kardia. And it's the same word for courage in the Greek. And we use the word to pour heart into. Or we talk about someone, talk about an athlete or a soldier having a lot of heart.

[4:19] We're talking about an inner conviction that manifests itself outward in action. And it is something that you do.

[4:31] When you encourage one another, you literally pour heart into someone. You edify and encourage and build them up. And all of this is wrapped up in this phrase here.

[4:44] However, if that is the case, and if we are tenderhearted, and if we are kind one to another, that automatically includes the willingness to forgive one another.

[5:01] Forgiveness is always predicated upon offenses that have been committed. This is a really big item. And I built the whole first few segments of Marriage on the Rock on this concept of offenses.

[5:19] This is the only thing that is needed to create conflict between people and nations. We offend one another.

[5:32] Just yesterday, there were specials on, and I'm sure you probably saw some of them, and you heard people talking about it. So most of you here cannot begin to remember that.

[5:45] But a couple of us can. And that is the day that we were deeply and sorely offended by the Empire of Japan.

[5:56] And they bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. I was six years old. I didn't understand much about it, but I knew that a whole lot of American soldiers and sailors had died.

[6:12] I knew that there were some bad people that dropped bombs on them and killed them. And I knew all of the adults around me were really upset and concerned, and everybody had their ear glued to the radio.

[6:24] Television didn't exist. And this was a grave national offense that was committed against the United States of America.

[6:39] And, you know, to this day, and I remember just yesterday seeing the dignitaries. There were some representatives from Japan who were actually there for the first time.

[6:50] They were there at the memorial of the battleship Arizona that has been turned into a memorial in honor of those who still remain entombed in the Arizona.

[7:07] And the Japanese dignitary was there and took part in the reef-laying ceremony. But the commentary said, there are no plans to offer an apology.

[7:24] And there was no apology for coming on behalf of the Empire of Japan, nor has there ever been an official apology given by the United States for the droppers of the atomic bomb.

[7:41] Both of those offenses, if you will, go kind of unattended because there has been no apology. And here's an important point to remember.

[7:55] And I want to throw something out to you for a little bit of discussion because I've struggled with this myself, and I'm not sure that I'm on the right page on this, but I think I am from the standpoint of Scripture and logic.

[8:07] And that is, there will be no apology and can be no apology for anything that is done if the offense has not been acknowledged on the part of the one who committed it.

[8:27] And I know that it is a popular thing today, and I know that there are plenty of Christians who do this, and they do it in a well-meaning way, but they say something like, so-and-so deeply offended me, or this happened, and that happened, and I was offended, and I was really hurt, but I have forgiven them.

[8:47] I know they haven't asked for my forgiveness, but I want to be bigger than them, and I've forgiven them anyway. And it is as if we've given this gift of forgiveness without anyone to receive it.

[9:05] And I'm not at all confident that that is possible. I make a distinction, I make a distinction between having a forgiving attitude and actually forgiving.

[9:22] I think there is a difference. And what I base the difference on is the fact that with the one, an offense is acknowledged and apologized for, and then forgiveness can be extended.

[9:37] But in the case where no apology is given, how can forgiveness be extended when the wrong was never acknowledged? And what I base this on, and this is a really important point, I think.

[9:50] What I base this on is this. When the offense occurs, and by the way, there are only two ways of offending anybody that I can think of.

[10:02] One is something you say that hurts them, wounds them, offends them. The other is something you do. An act.

[10:15] And these are the only two avenues that we have for offending or creating conflict. But they're enough, aren't they? They're all we need.

[10:26] We manage to do quite well with those. So something we say, or something we do, that offends someone, and by offense I mean it creates in them a sense of being wronged, a sense of injustice, a sense of hurt, and it is a wound.

[10:47] When we offend somebody, we wound them. It may be a small wound, like a small offense, that I've characterized with a dart, the prick of a dart.

[11:01] Or it may be a bigger wound, think in terms of an arrow. Or it may be a really big wound, like a spear.

[11:14] And all of these are directed to the human spirit. That's where these wounds reside. When we are injured emotionally, or hurt, or offended, it goes right to the core of our being, into our human spirit.

[11:31] And it creates a wound there. And the problem is the one who is wounded, whether by a dart, by an arrow, or by a spear, they can't pull it out themselves.

[11:52] The only one who can pull it out is the one that put it there. And they pull it out by apologizing.

[12:04] That allows the wound to begin healing. And if it doesn't begin healing, then the projectile, if you will, just remains there, and it becomes a memory, an ongoing memory.

[12:19] That is painful. Yes? Mark, you said, one way, I just think, I was, what did I do to Mark that makes you upset with me? And you let it go.

[12:30] Well, now that's called the two-actors. I've got to ask you, and you've got to tell me before I get involved. Yep. That's an important point, and that's where the subject of information comes in, because information, information is that which reveals the source of the wound.

[12:50] And let me just illustrate this way. I'm sure that every, probably every man here, certainly every husband can identify with this. your wife is giving you the silent treatment, and you're wondering, what's going on?

[13:10] Why is she so cool and distant? And you ask her, honey, something bothering you?

[13:21] Oh, nothing, dear. Yeah. Yeah. And you get, come on, I know something's got you upset. What is it? And you might get a, well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.

[13:34] You might get one of those, or you might get a, well, just think about it, you know. But you know, something is wrong there. And when she is willing to talk about it and admit that what you said the other day or what you did really hurt her and offended her and she's upset by it, what she's doing is providing you with information.

[14:02] That's all. Very simple. She's telling you what you did that offended her, that hurt her. Now that she has given you information, the ball is in your court.

[14:16] What are you going to do about it? And if you want this thing to be healed, you act on the information with an apology. But the apology has to be genuine.

[14:30] The apology has to be based on repentance. That means if you had an opportunity to redo that event on the basis of what you said or what you did that hurt her or offended her, if you had to do over again, you wouldn't do it.

[14:48] You don't like sleeping on the couch or whatever. So, you've come to a kind of crossroads here and this repentance thing is changing your mind.

[15:01] And when you said what you did that hurt her or offended her, it was probably something that you thought she had coming.

[15:12] That's why you said it. By the way, when people are wounded by our offenses, by what we say or what we do and they are hurt by it, you realize that's why we do it.

[15:26] We do it to hurt. We do it because they deserve it. They have it coming. We intend it to hurt. It's a barb or whatever and it is designed to wound.

[15:39] That's why we do it. That's why we say nasty things to people because we believe they deserve it. And repentance means you have rethought the whole thing and you've come to the conclusion you know what?

[15:54] I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have done that. That was stupid of me. It was an unkind thing to do. You know what that is? That is repentance.

[16:08] That means you have changed your mind about what you said or what you did. That's what repentance is. And it doesn't by the way necessarily have anything to do with salvation or theology or something like that.

[16:25] It just means what the Greek word means to change your mind about anything. And the only reason that you have for changing your mind is that you have come to the conclusion that you were wrong.

[16:37] You were wrong. Man up and admit it. Own up to it. Honey, I was really out of line when I said that. I don't know why I said that.

[16:49] It was a stupid thing to say. I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't done it. Would you please forgive me? So there the ball is in her court and her forgiveness is able then to respond to your apology.

[17:09] So this is spelled out in more detail in the marriage on the rock and I'm not going to elaborate on it any further but I do want to talk to you and try to get this thing settled in my own mind about whether or not forgiveness can actually be extended where there is no apology.

[17:30] And follow me for just a moment and here's my line of reasoning and I want you to see whether it holds water or not. When I say or do something that offends you it is a two way transaction.

[17:47] It involves you and me. It's two ways. But if I have been offended and I want to be forgiving and I say so and so did something or said something or did something that offended me and they shouldn't have done it and they were out of line.

[18:07] I didn't deserve that and I didn't have it coming but I'm going to forgive them anyway. And maybe I even go to him and say the other day that's and so that's and so you don't say and I just want you to know I forgive you.

[18:22] And they look at you and say you forgive me. What did I do? I didn't do anything wrong. I don't need your forgiveness. You see the thing breaks down.

[18:35] So what I'm saying is the offense when committed is a two-person transaction. And in order for forgiveness and apology to be genuine it has to be a two-person transaction.

[18:54] There has to be involvement from the one who was offended and the one who was the offender in order for the forgiveness to be real and the healing to start. There is such a thing called cheap forgiveness and it's forgiveness that does not result in the breach being healed.

[19:15] There is a thing called cheap forgiveness or cheap apology and that too is inadequate. This is the one that goes something like this. If I said or did anything that offended you I'm sorry okay?

[19:31] That doesn't begin to cut it. Because the person on the receiving end of the offense needs to know that the offender knows exactly what it was that hurt or wounded him.

[19:50] And the only way he can be sure that the offender knows how hurt he was is for the offender to put it into words and say when I said thus and so or did thus and so I was wrong.

[20:05] I was out of mind. I'm sorry. I really want your forgiveness. Then the one who is able to extend forgiveness knows that the offender realizes the hurt, the level of it, the pain caused by it, and what you've got is an adequate intelligent apology and an adequate intelligent forgiveness.

[20:30] Then you can have an adequate intelligent restoration. And that's the goal. That's the goal, is for the rip and the wound to be healed so that there is a togetherness again.

[20:46] And not only merely together, it can actually even be better than it was before, simply because of the process that you've gone through. So my question to you, and what I'd like to kick around a little bit is, is it possible to actually forgive someone who may feel they do not need or want our forgiveness?

[21:08] And what I'm saying is, a believer should always have a forgiving attitude. And by that I mean, that if an apology is rendered, you are not only willing, you are eager to extend forgiveness.

[21:30] But having a forgiving attitude is different from actually forgiving. I think we ought to be ready to forgive anybody of anything at the drop of a hat.

[21:41] But, it needs to be acknowledged on their part. Otherwise, your forgiveness doesn't have anywhere to go. If they are not a recipient of it, it just hangs out there and it's worth nothing.

[21:54] Okay. Your input, questions, or comments. Dana, you had something. I do think, a minor thing, but I think you can offend people by things you don't say and you don't.

[22:06] I'm talking about it, but I'm talking about what you said. I disagree with you. I'm extremely fanatic. I think what, in my mind, what you're talking about is reconciliation and defense.

[22:23] Yeah. I think the mythology quite often is misunderstood in which the mythology or, I'm sorry, forgiveness.

[22:36] Forgiveness is misunderstood in that it doesn't do a thing to the purpose of it. people confuse that all the time. What the apology does is work on the victim and the position doesn't apologize and doesn't forgive and does.

[22:58] If the victims are not forgive, they're the ones who pay the result. They harbor that pain. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. when they forgive the perpetrator, they're relieved of that pain.

[23:12] It doesn't really have anything to do with the perpetrator of that itself. But for both sides to come and come to an understanding and reconcile it, you write that just as one side takes action doesn't mean that the other side even acknowledges it.

[23:31] Right. Right. And the goal is ever and needs to be reconciliation so that the two are back where they ought to be.

[23:43] And theologically this whole thing lies of course in God being in Christ reconciling the world unto himself. And that was God's objective there was to restore fallen humanity to the original place that it had before the offense.

[24:00] And the offense was Adam and Eve's disobedience to their heavenly father. Oh yeah.

[24:10] And unforgiveness exacts an enormous toll. It can do a great deal of damage to one's psyche.

[24:23] It can affect every aspect of your life. For somebody to be carrying grudges and having an unforgiving spirit, it takes a toll on the one who is holding that grudge even though they don't realize it.

[24:36] They think that their unforgiveness is getting even with the person who wounded them and in effect it isn't at all but it's actually doing a negative job on them. So there's a high price to be paid.

[24:47] And of course the example that is given is that anyone anyone who has enjoyed the richness forgiveness of the forgiveness of God should not hesitate for one moment to extend their forgiveness to anyone who has offended them about anything.

[25:13] And that's the example that is given. Even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you. And to me one of the most completely contradictory terms that you can think of is an unforgiving Christian.

[25:31] That ought to be that ought to be a non-existent thing. How can we who have been forgiven for so much possibly withhold forgiveness from anyone else who asked for it?

[25:45] But there's the thing who asks for it who asks for it if it isn't asked for it cannot be granted. And that's this word repent is such a powerful word.

[26:01] It is the key that opens the door. And it is God's open sesame this repentance thing. All God is asking us to do is to come to grips with the reality of our being wronged.

[26:21] About whatever it might be. It might be about what we perceive salvation to be or whatever. And when we perceive ourselves to be wrong about it acknowledge the wrong and say I want to change that.

[26:37] I want to reverse myself. That's repentance. And nothing delights the heart of God more than repentance. Because when we repent we are coming from a position of being wronged to a position of being right.

[26:53] And that's where God dwells. Dan? If you have a situation where the person who has harmed you refused and said I didn't do anything wrong.

[27:05] So I can't. Then you ask forgiveness for yourself. Is that a proper sequence? Where you forgive yourself for feeling the way you do or the anger, the bitterness, the pain?

[27:19] Well the thing of it is here's what happens when an offense is unresolved, when the hurt remains, the inevitable consequence is there is a distancing that occurs between the offender and the offender.

[27:41] It is at the very least an emotional distancing. You start pulling back from this person. there is a coolness that sets in.

[27:52] The friendly spirit is no longer there. We go silent and we withdraw. And sometimes when the offense is so great and so egregious and so ongoing, the separation is not only emotional, it's physical.

[28:11] Sometimes it's legal. It's called divorce. divorce. And all divorces begin with an offense.

[28:25] An offense that is unresolved. The problem fellas, the problem is not the offense because we all offend one another in different ways. We all do and say stupid things that we ought not to say and do and if we had it to do over again we wouldn't do it.

[28:41] But that's just part of our human nature. So the key is not to eliminate all the offenses. You can't do that.

[28:53] The key is to eliminate unresolved offenses because it is not the offense, it is the offense not being rectified that creates the permanent writ.

[29:08] and you and I know people every family has got probably somebody in it where uncle so-and-so hasn't spoken to uncle so-and-so for 18 years because of this grudge that they've got, this offense, this thing between them and this goes on between neighbors, it goes on in families, it goes on in marriages, there are people who live together and even sleep in the same bed as a married couple and haven't uttered two civil words to each other for three or four days.

[29:49] This is living under this unresolved offenses and the only thing that can change it is the apology and the forgiveness and that makes all the difference in the world.

[30:03] Don? I remember the situation though where you're offended by some things. Maybe there's somebody's way above you you can't tell you about it. But if you let it see as you, it's going to hurt you in the long run.

[30:17] Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, if somebody has offended us and hurt us deeply, they may not even be aware of it.

[30:31] There is such a thing as an unintentional offense where they didn't really mean to hurt you at all. But they did. And the fact that they didn't mean to doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

[30:44] It still hurts. It doesn't hurt as much as it would if you knew they did it on purpose and they purposely offended you. But you know what? Here then, you have an obligation. You have an obligation.

[30:55] And your obligation is to go to them. And not in an angry way or a kind way and bring them up to speed.

[31:06] What you're doing then is you're giving them information that they then have an opportunity to act on. And their action would be, of course, we would hope, with an apology.

[31:19] Joe. Mark, what I find myself doing in a situation where another person doesn't apologize to me or not me, is what the Bible tells us they're a sinful person.

[31:33] They're a sinful person that's going to do sinful things. So, I expect that they're going to insult me. That's their nature. Sometimes it's a part of the price you pay for being a believer.

[31:45] Yeah. Well, if I'm going to talk and have relationship to that person, I expect them to sin on me. And therefore, I'm not going to get that offended because that's the way they are.

[31:56] They are just that way. That's true. That's true. And so, I'm going to accept it because I probably do it to them or I do it to other people. So, I'm going to not be so bothered by it because that's just them.

[32:07] You need, as a believer, you need to be prepared to take some shots. If you're working in an environment where there are a lot of unbelievers, don't be surprised, you know, if you hear somebody say something like, you know, I think this Christianity thing is just a cop out.

[32:24] I think Christians are stupid. I don't see how anybody could believe. You get a certain amount of that and hey, you don't really have a right to expect anything else from the world.

[32:37] After all, this is who they are and where they are and where they're coming from. And you need to be willing to cut them some slack and not let that ruin your day. Just be thankful that the grace of God has awakened you to the reality and that's somebody that you really need to pray for.

[32:56] And to express your kindness and consideration to them even though you get the opposite from them. That's just part of the price you pay for being a believer.

[33:08] And frankly, it's a privileged position to be in. And Dana and then Larry. A friend of mine, both me and her work at Handa and we met there and there are very outfilling people in the world.

[33:30] Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Test your metal. Oh yeah.

[33:41] That goes on in a lot of workplaces. You know, it's par for the course. Larry, you had a comment. Right.

[34:11] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[34:29] Thank you. Kevin, you had some comment. Yeah, when you speak about the word repentance, what I'm going to do now, when I come to fire down their life, there's a word called repentance.

[34:48] And then there's true repentance. I don't sit there and say I repent all day long, but true repentance comes from the heart.

[34:58] There you go. True repentance is changed behavior over time. Anybody can change their behavior for the weekend. But true repentance has a lingering effect to it.

[35:12] It really does affect the attitude, the inner attitude and actions of the individual. Yeah. Marty?

[35:23] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[35:53] Yeah, yeah. You know, there's a whole lot of, in politics especially, there's a whole lot of this kind of action that goes on, and frankly, it isn't worth anything.

[36:05] But somebody says something, and then the response comes back, where somebody demands an apology. Well, you can say the words, you apologize, but it doesn't mean a thing.

[36:20] Yet, the world, listen, here's the big difference. The world is willing to settle for that. If you say you apologize, oh, well, then that's okay. You apologize. No, no.

[36:31] That doesn't cut it from a believer's standpoint. The apology has to come from a genuine repentance. And in order for an apology to be a true apology, it is not sufficient to utter the words, I apologize.

[36:48] Because you can utter the words and still have the same position and the same attitude inwardly that you had when you created the offense. That hasn't changed at all.

[37:01] So, an apology, to apologize, means that you reverse yourself from what you said, and you wish you hadn't said it. That's something the world is willing to settle for, is just saying the magic words, I apologize, as if that erases everything.

[37:18] But the heart of the matter is, if you don't feel different on the inside, the apology is worthless, even though it may satisfy the press, the media, or whoever. Well, Joe, and then we'll conclude with this.

[37:32] Yes. Well, I can assure you that Japan, and this is, I think, easily verified with historical records, Japan thought that they were well within their rights to do what they did when they brought that attack on Pearl Harbor.

[38:15] They felt they were justified in doing what they did. And that's why they did it. We, of course, don't believe that. And many are not aware of this, but it seems that the attack that was on Pearl Harbor was supposed to have been conducted when the United States and Japan were officially at war.

[38:44] But as the film depicted, and as I think historical records show, the official declaration of war against the United States was not accomplished in a timely manner, and we were supposed to have been officially at war with Japan three or four hours before the bombing started, which would have made a difference.

[39:11] But in either case, it was happily labeled a sneak attack because that's certainly what it was. So there was no apology given, and there has been no forgiveness extended.

[39:23] So the two nations, even though by way of trade and treaty, etc., were supposed to be allies, yet the togetherness that ought to be there is not there, probably cannot be there because of that old, old wound.

[39:39] And I'm not at all sure that anybody is actually able to apologize for someone else because to me that just doesn't cut it.

[39:51] The apology needs to come from the offender, not from a surrogate. And that too is a technical matter. policies, and, no matter how important you do even do it, you need to doesn't turn out to emin02.

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