All About Relationships

[0:00] And this article is, How Important is Integrity to You? I encourage you to remember two men. The first is Easy Eddie, a lawyer for notorious mobster Al Capone, who ruled Chicago in the 1990s through crime, political extortion, and murder.

[0:24] Eddie, Fast Eddie, Easy Eddie, was as corrupt as they came. All that changed the day his son was born. Eddie began to set positive examples and raised his son to do what is right.

[0:39] Eddie took integrity so seriously that he risked his life to provide authorities with information that put Capone in prison. The second man to remember is Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare, a fighter pilot in World War II.

[0:59] O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named after him. His most famous flight occurred on February 20, 1942.

[1:12] He was the only defending pilot in the air when a wave of Japanese bombers attacked his ship, the Lexington. He single-handedly dispensed with the bombers and saved his ship and all the men on it.

[1:30] It's possible that Butch learned great courage from his father, Eddie O'Hare. Easy Eddie O'Hare, that is. Proverbs 28, 6 says, Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways.

[1:50] Godly character does what's right even when it costs us. And like I said about those wedding vows, originally, you know what this was designed to do?

[2:04] The wedding ceremony as a, and by the way, this book that I'm telling you about, it's a book, but a book between, about actually the affair and the love, well, it wasn't a love affair, but it was a marriage between Martin Luther and Caterina.

[2:21] And she was an escapee from a convent. And he was a rebel from Rome, rebel priest, a monk who had abandoned the Church of Rome, and the Church of Rome would abandon him.

[2:35] Long story short, anyway, she and a couple of her girlfriends escaped from this monastery. Her father dropped her off there. This was in Germany in the 1500s. And her father dropped her off there at the convent to be raised by the nuns.

[2:49] And she and a couple of other girls escaped. And eventually, they found themselves in the company of Martin Luther. And Martin decided that these girls, and by the way, at the time, I think she was only about 15 or 16 years old.

[3:06] And you can't believe what was going on in Germany in the 1500s, 1600s. All a couple, all a boy and a girl.

[3:16] And by the way, I don't think it probably ever occurred to them about a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl.

[3:27] But when a boy and a boy wanted to get married, they just as much as shook hands on it, and they were married. And that was it.

[3:37] And they started living together. There was no marriage license, no justice of the peace. None of these things existed. They were just, that was it. They were married. They were a pair. And it usually happened in teenage years.

[3:50] And that, it's not unusual. That was standard operating procedure. Well, but today we could say, well, at least they got married.

[4:01] That's more than can be said for some. And, well, you might get the book. So I'm not going to, I'm not going to ruin the story for you. The book would be circulated, and you ought to read it because it is something that's very, very well researched.

[4:17] Fascinating, fascinating book. Anyway, it talks about what love really is because, well, I do have to tell you this. I do have to tell you this. Martin tried to fix up this girl, Katrina, with one of his friends in marriage.

[4:33] The only problem was he was willing and she wasn't. She didn't like him at all. She didn't want, she wasn't going to marry that guy. She just wasn't. And, and Martin, if you can imagine it.

[4:44] Now, this just goes to show you the incredible differences in culture and the way people think. Martin says, well, okay, if you won't marry him, okay, I'll marry you.

[5:00] Well, big deal, thanks a lot. You know, I'll marry. So he did. And it was strictly business. What he thought he was doing was literally kind of rescuing her, but there was no romance involved, either for her or for him.

[5:22] But the beautiful thing of it is, there would be. And it came to pass that they did wonderfully fall in love.

[5:33] You know, it reminds me, it reminds me of a story in Genesis when, when Isaac, was it Isaac?

[5:48] Isaac sent an unnamed servant. Yeah. Isaac sent an unnamed servant to get a bride for his son, Jacob, remember?

[6:00] And the unnamed servant came back with this beautiful gal. And, of course, she was all veiled and everything. And, and her name was Rebecca.

[6:11] And Isaac had never set eyes on her, had never seen her. And she was veiled, too, on top of it. And it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

[6:22] The text says in, in Genesis that he took her into his tent. And he loved her.

[6:37] There was that commitment of love and what it meant right from the beginning. And it's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. And then the wedding vows, many of which are still used today in a lot of weddings here in the United States that Martin Luther originated, the vows for the male and the groom, the bride and the groom, pledged themselves to each other until death is due part and so on.

[7:05] And it's such a beautiful thing. And the issue is made that what the original intent of these vows was, was that it was to be, first of all, a public ceremony.

[7:20] And the reason it needed to be public was because everyone in the community needed to know that these two people are no longer available.

[7:35] They are out of circulation. They are committed to each other. And neither is available. And the idea also of making the wedding public, we do it primarily because it's a great time to celebrate and we want everybody to be able to celebrate and get in on the blessing of the marriage and everything.

[7:56] And that's great. That's part of it. But the practical aspect of it was, those people who attended that ceremony were witnesses.

[8:09] And what they witnessed were the promises that these two people made to each other. And the idea was, your witnesses are obligated to hold you to it, to remind you of the promises you made.

[8:28] And of course, most of these were just small communities where everybody knew everybody and they all interacted, you know. And it was a different situation with us today with large cities and people from all over and everything.

[8:41] So the cultures are radically different. But the whole idea, and it's a beautiful thing, that these people who were attending that ceremony were listening to what those two people were saying with the intent of holding them accountable.

[8:58] I heard you make those promises. And do you know, for the most part, how that's looked upon today? Oh, well, that's just part of the ceremony. That doesn't really mean anything.

[9:10] I mean, there's nothing binding about that. That's just part of the ceremony. All the weddings are like that. It's just tradition. And you know what? That's pretty much true.

[9:22] And that's sad. That's sad. Because never in the history of this nation have our marriages been in such great difficulty.

[9:37] And do you know what the fallout of that is? When you have marriages in difficulty, you've got a nation in difficulty. Because the marriage, the nation, the core of it, the underpinning, is in the family unit.

[9:57] It's the nuclear family that is so much maligned today. And we're paying an awful, awful price for doing it our way.

[10:08] A few years ago, I introduced a series of messages, and they're back there. And it's called Marriage on the Rock, as opposed to Marriage on the Rocks.

[10:20] And after doing about 45 years of marriage counseling and premarital counseling, I'd heard enough. And I'd seen enough.

[10:31] And I'd seen enough. And I decided that I was going to try to do something for marriages.

[10:43] Would it be possible? Could it be? Is there any way that a situation could be contrived so that a couple, assuming now that they are a Christian couple, is there any way that a Christian couple could virtually be assured, I mean guaranteed, of a really wonderful, fulfilling marriage that lasted till death they depart?

[11:25] Is there any way that that, and that was my task. And I said about to do that. And I'm convinced that there is. And the CDs are available if anybody wants them.

[11:40] There's 12 of them. And what it deals with is absolute nuts and bolts. I mean the nitty gritty. I mean, I tackle, I tackle the thing that is the most significant relationship destroyer.

[11:58] Not only of marriages, but it destroys relationships in churches. It destroys relationships in neighborhoods. It destroys relationships in workplaces.

[12:12] And it's just one thing. I wanted to keep this as simple as possible, but could it be? Is it possible that there could be just one thing, just one dynamic that causes relationships to rupture?

[12:26] I mean, aren't there always a whole bunch of things involved? No, there's just one thing. Just one thing. And that's the offense.

[12:42] The offense. It is something that you say or something that you do to the other party, whether it is your marriage partner or your parent or your child or your neighbor or your boss or whomever, something that is said or done, that wounds, that hurts.

[13:12] That's an offense. We offend people. We injure each other by what we say or what we do. Just those two things.

[13:24] But you know what? They're all we need. They're enough. We don't need anything else. The words we say, the things we do, creates a wound, a painful hurt in the heart, in the psyche of the individual to whom we direct.

[13:46] And you know what? That's why we do it. That's why we do it. We do it to hurt, to wound. It's intentional. It's usually intentional. And we even talk about those that are unintentional because every husband, and maybe I'm the leader of the pack, every husband has to deal with a clod factor.

[14:10] We all have a clod factor about us, you know? And that's the thing that just enables us some stuff that our wives pick up on and see, or maybe even be hurt by, but us, it just goes, shoot right over her head.

[14:26] We don't even get it. We don't, I remember one time, I just, I don't know what I, I did, I did something stupid. I don't know what it was. And my sweet wife, not this one, but my other sweet one, she called me on.

[14:43] She says, she says, Marv, I don't know how you could have been so inconsiderate. And I said, inconsiderate?

[14:54] I wasn't being inconsiderate, honey, I didn't even think of it. And she said, well, what do you think it means to consider?

[15:07] Oh, boy, you're going to lay me out. She, she was right on, you know, she was right on. And doesn't, doesn't femininity have some level of sensitivity?

[15:18] That seems to escape us guys. I'm sure there are exceptions, but by and large, by and large, we've got the clod factor to deal with.

[15:29] So anyway, these, these CDs are available. And I, and what I try to do, and, and, and folks, I place a great deal of emphasis on the commitment and the willingness to do what God calls you to do when you married that person.

[15:48] And, I really hammer on this thing because it is so important. And what I encourage marriage to do, and even engage couples, is to take these CDs, and each track, each CD has got 20 segments on it.

[16:05] But each segment is just three and a half minutes long. That's it. Three and a half minutes. And I encourage them to sit down together and listen to one segment, three and a half minutes.

[16:19] And if you're both in agreement with it and understand it, okay, go on to the next segment. But you may want to stop there and discuss something. Or you may disagree with something I said and talk about it with your mate.

[16:33] That's fine. I don't, I don't, I don't, I didn't produce these with the idea that everybody that hears is going to agree with everything I say. But anyway, and then if you come to an area where you disagree with your mate about something, ah, you know what?

[16:49] Listen. That's what some people fear, and that's why they won't even listen. Don't want to open a can of worms.

[17:02] What are they afraid of? They're afraid of stirring up trouble. Let sleeping dogs lie. Don't stir up anything. Don't get into this area over here. Listen. If there are areas that you are unwilling to address with your mate, that is an area that emotionally separates you.

[17:25] You need to understand that. That's what prevents the kind of closeness that everybody longs for. But you can't have it where you've got hidden agendas.

[17:39] So that's talked about a lot. The power of forgiveness is incredible. Maybe it's excelled only by the power of a sincere apology. But for a husband or wife to be big enough to say, honey, I really blew it.

[18:01] That's my bad. That's on me. I have no excuse. I was completely out of line, and I really would like your forgiveness.

[18:16] Could you possibly forgive me? The power of an apology is incredible, and the power of forgiveness is incredible. And when apology and forgiveness have done their work, then the only thing left to do is the good part.

[18:35] That's when you get a kiss and make up, and you go on. And you know what? The relationship is strengthened through that. It's a beautiful thing.

[18:45] It's a beautiful thing. Well, they are there. And by the way, they're all free. I know some places would sell these CDs for $18.95 apiece, but I'm trying to get mine out, so they're free of charge, and you can have whatever you want.

[19:02] And they are available back there. So I want to make this announcement before we have a selection of music. And this announcement is the men's Bible class for Tuesday.

[19:19] Upcoming, the 16th and the 23rd following are both canceled. And they will be resuming March 2 on Tuesday. I cannot confirm this, but the intent is that we will be at Studebaker's restaurant, but I emphasize that is not confirmed.

[19:41] I've already talked to the folks there. They said they would be glad to have us, but I'm not sure that they know what day we're talking about, and I want to make sure that we've got our eggs in the right basket. But we will have it.

[19:52] If we can't have it there, we'll have it here. But that's Tuesday and Thursday upcoming. I mean, Tuesday and a week from Tuesday. They're both canceled. And prayer meeting this Wednesday and next.

[20:03] That's the 17th and the 24th of February. Those two are also canceled, and we'll resume here at the church on March 3. One verse of scripture that I want to share with you is in Proverbs chapter 30.

[20:19] So what I would like for you to do, if you would, is open your Bible to that portion, but we're going to have a little bit of music first. And what I would like for husbands and wives to do, assume you're probably already sitting together, but in the event that you are not, then I would suggest that you move to where your mate is and enjoy this song together.

[20:40] It's one of my very favorites. It was written by Hoagy Carmichael, I think, in 1939, something like that. And you've got the lyrics to it in your bulletin. It's called The Nearness of You, and I just love this song.

[20:52] It's a great song. Sweetie, I'm coming. Sweetie, I'm coming.

[21:25] Sweetie, I'm coming.

[21:55] Sweetie, you are coming. Sweetie, you are coming. Sweetie, you are coming. Sweetie, you are coming, Gustavo affine your life where my mate is estabilium and all the people that are found.

[22:09] Sweetie, you are coming. It's the Just the nearness of you When you're in my arms And I feel you So close to me All my wildest dreams Come true I need no soft light To enchant me If you Only grant me

[23:12] The right To hold you Ever so tight And to feel in the night The nearness of you Of you It isn't your sweet conversation

[24:16] That brings this sensation Oh no It's just the nearness of you When you're in my arms When you're in my arms And I feel you so close to me All my wildest dreams All my wildest dreams Come true I need no soft light I need no soft light To enchant me If you Only grant me

[25:20] The right To hold you To hold you Ever so tight To hold you Ever so tight And to feel In the night The nearness of you The nearness of you The nearness of you I knew there was a reason I hated those things All right, Proverbs chapter 30.

[26:23] Got another song, and this one is for the young people who have not yet taken that step, but it gives them something to think about before they do.

[26:36] And Proverbs chapter 30 and verse 18, we read, there are three things which are too wonderful for me, four which I do not understand.

[26:52] Now, mind you, this is coming from a man who is supposedly the wisest man who ever lived, and he's saying that he doesn't understand these things. Well, I can understand. Here they are.

[27:05] The way of an eagle in the sky. That's pretty spectacular when you watch one of those bald eagles, the majestic flyer. There's something.

[27:17] The way of a serpent on a rock. Well, that's not very becoming to me, but anyway, I'm sure that they're able to make moves and so on that God endowed them with the ability to make that nothing else can.

[27:30] The way of a ship in the middle of the sea and the way of a man with a maid. He's saying there is something there, and for lack of a better term, even though I don't believe in it, and you probably don't either, but for lack of a better term, we could kind of call away a man with a maid magic, something like that, you know?

[27:57] It's inexplainable, that's for sure. And I still remember the first time I ever held a girl's hand.

[28:08] And I do remember up until that time, I thought girls were kind of yucky, you know? Just, you go out of your way to avoid being around a girl or having anything to do with a girl, because girls were, yeah, well, they were girls.

[28:30] But something kicked in, I guess you'd call it hormones or whatever, at about the age of 14, and I looked at a certain girl, and for some strange reason, she stopped looking yucky.

[28:46] And it wasn't long until, for the first time in my life, I held a girl's hand, and I cannot tell you to this day what it felt like.

[29:08] Some kind of electricity. I know she wasn't wearing one of the little buzzer buttons. It was real. It was just something inexplicable, dynamic that was different, that was provided a rush within you.

[29:26] It was a feeling like you'd never had before. And call it puppy love if you want, but I guess it was, like they said, it was real to the puppy.

[29:38] And there's something, you know, God has built this into male and female, this attractiveness, this sense of thing. And for the male especially, he uses the eye gate.

[29:53] And we tend to be impressed and interested on the basis of what we see. And some of you here, some of you here, I'm sure, have vivid recollection of the first time you saw her and what your thoughts were.

[30:20] Hmm. I wonder who that is. I wonder if she's available. I wonder if she's seeing somebody. I wonder. And the desire to know more is underfoot.

[30:35] And that's the way of a man with a maid. And it's the way with a man and a woman. And it's a wonderful dynamic.

[30:47] God has put it in place. It's just incredible. There's nothing quite like it. It's, well, like I said, it's inexplicable. You can forget about trying to explain what it is to be in love, because anybody who really is knows there is no explaining it.

[31:06] You just enjoy it, but you can forget about explaining it. And yet, up front, prior to making that monumental decision, that commitment that is made at the wedding altar, it needs to be made with commitment of forethought and with the idea that you are not doing this so that if it doesn't work out, you can do it again with somebody else.

[31:39] You're doing it with the idea that I'm committed to it working out and I'm committed to doing everything I can to make sure that it does work out.

[31:50] And I have no intentions of a plan B. This is it. And you need to enter into it that way. And if we taught our children more about these values, there would be less heartache and less breakups in relationships.

[32:09] But we've dropped the ball. And when I say we, I'm also including churches. Our churches have dropped the ball.

[32:20] And families pay the price. So, especially for you young people who have not yet made that commitment, but if the Lord tarries, one day you will.

[32:36] And it will be the second greatest event of your life. Could be second only to coming into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

[32:53] And the reason that one is so much more important is because that one is eternal. But the marriage relationship you have with your beloved here on this earth is temporal at best, and yet still absolutely wonderful.

[33:12] So, Marie, thanks again for marrying me. I shall forever be grateful. Bless you, sweetheart. Thank you. Maestro, we're going to have the second selection.

[33:24] And then our conclusion will be the musical benediction that will follow that with the third selection. And that, too, is a favorite of many of you. One cup ofips.

[33:36] отметさ When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I'll never fall in love.

[34:23] In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun.

[34:40] And too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.

[34:55] When I give my heart, it will be completely, or I'll never give my heart.

[35:19] And the moment I can feel that, you feel that way too.

[35:35] It's when I fall in love with you, with you.

[35:49] Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[36:19] In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun.

[36:30] And too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.

[36:44] Oh, oh, oh. In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun.

[36:56] In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun. In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun.

[37:08] I'll never give my heart. I'll never give my heart. In a moment I can feel that, you can feel that way too.

[37:27] Yes, when I fall in love, when I fall in love, when I fall in love with you.

[37:57] When I fall in love with you. When I fall in love with you.

[38:32] When I fall in love with you. There's a new world somewhere.

[38:44] They call a promised land. And I'll be there someday. If you will hold my hand. I still need you there beside me.

[38:59] No matter what I do. For I know I'll never find another you. There is always someone for each of us, they say.

[39:17] And you'll be by someone forever and a day. I could search the whole world over until my life is through.

[39:32] But I know I'll never find another you. It's a long, long journey.

[39:45] So stay by my side. When I walk through the storm. You'll be my guide. Be my guide.

[39:56] If they gave me a fortune. My pleasure would be small. I could lose it all tomorrow.

[40:08] And never mind at all. But if I should lose your love dear. I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. For I know I'll never find another you.

[40:23] Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

[40:40] But if I should lose your love dear I don't know what I'll do For I know I'll never find another you Another you Another you